I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
