im drinking this country out of the recession.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
