Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
