I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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