we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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