Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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