I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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