i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
