Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize