Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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