I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
