All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
