i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
