My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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