If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
