We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
