i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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