ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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