yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
