Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(713): View more from Texas

I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.

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(479): View more from Arkansas

I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.

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(225): View more from Louisiana

walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.

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(303): View more from Colorado

I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight

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(44): View more from United Kingdom

Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?

Fav 34 4236 1917
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(815): View more from Illinois

Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...

(719): View more from Colorado

LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..

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(718): View more from New York

Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.

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(815): View more from Illinois

Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.

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(727): View more from Florida

It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?

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