I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
