dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
