Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Is it because I queefed?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Randomize
