we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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