Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
