HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
