I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
