apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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