i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
