To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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