btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
