i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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