Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
