Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
