She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
