whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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