y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
