He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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