I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
