Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
