I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
