He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I need moral support for this bender
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
In other news, I just burned my penis
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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