So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
