You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
