When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
