I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
