I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
