hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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