And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
