So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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