she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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