And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
