dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
