PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I want to have your abortion
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Randomize
