At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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