I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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