I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
