yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
