So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Screwed.edu
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Randomize