My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
