I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
did you just send me my own nude
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
