she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
