You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
