after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize