Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
