the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
