am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
