my shit smells like andre
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
