Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
