We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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