It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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