So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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