I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
