You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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